i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
