My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
