Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
