I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
