It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
