Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
