I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
