Jerry, you need to find god
i think i have two assholes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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