Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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