ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
