just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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