Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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