bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
