He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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