Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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