every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
