we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I looked at my own cervix.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
