I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
