I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
