i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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