I could make wine with my vomit
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
