Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
