I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
