i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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