You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
