It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
