I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
