Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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