Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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