her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
