Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Found the puke drawer
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
