happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
