you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
