how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
