I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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