better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
