If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
