I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
