so that wasnt chicken after all
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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