tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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