Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
