so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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