ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
