Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
