do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
