3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
