fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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