and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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