Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
