soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
